Monday, April 19, 2010

A Surreal Report of My April

Things are moving fast. Not that they change in a tangible way, no, everything is just in motion. I feel Brecht would have liked this nonstop motion. But I am poor in blending in. I am forced to simultaneously belong to it and own this ever-changing bubble, that happens to be my life; my life for the lack of a better word!

These are lonely days. And it feels lonely too. Feeling lonely is different from being lonely and I have learned of this distinction through a long monotonous experience. Population of things, memories, and bodies doesn't have any effect on the cemented loneliness that holds me deep in this unknown space; a space with unknown boundaries, where I can get lost over and over in and out of it, since I never know if I am in it or out of it. Unknown spaces have unknown merits and that is horrifying.

I have changed too; quitting is no problem anymore. Escaping is an engraved recommendation that continuously appears in my bubble. It is a ceaseless fight with me, nowadays an unknown creature, whom I knew once, and felt so close to, but it, she, I doesn't fit anywhere anymore.

Lost, March 2009


Anonymous said...

An excellent picture as always and the only thing that I have to say: hang in there my friend.

Daisy said...

I felt as if you were talking from my lips. I am lost and feel lonely too. I have become a stranger specially to myself. I hope this gloom passes over our lives soon.

مسعود said...

بعضی وقتها تنهایی بهتر از تن های بلاخیز است.اینروزها خیلی ها اینجوری شده اند.بگذریم.تنهایی و احساس تنهایی را خوب اشاره کردی.دومی سخت تر است،چون ممکن است با واقعیت جور نشود.نشنیده ای :پرکس بیکس؟
پایدار باشی

Tameshk said...

Dear Anonymous,

Daisy Jan,
I hope we get over these uncertain days soon.

Masud Jan
Thanks and Yes, I respect my loneliness very much. I can find more of me there in my lonely times.